Tuesday 15 September 2009

Here is Monday's Column 8 - a reader's protest against Fairfax continues



"Your colleague who found remarkable names for nail polish," writes Adrian Briscoe of Rozelle (Column 8, last week), "might be interested to know that a friend of mine once had one called 'I Am Not a Waitress.' I'm sure many of your readers could come up with even more outrageous names." As it turns out, the company in question has already set the pace. OPI's nail polish website is a treat it's hard to work out whether it's utterly tongue-in-cheek or simply astute, counterintuitive marketing. We assume that there was a very long lunch involved in the concept development of these: "Charged Up Cherries, Dominant Jeans," and our favourite: "part of our Australian collection 'Fair Dinkum Pinkum'." And no, we are not making this up, make-up though she be.

"While I admire Vic Deebles' skill to have a hole-in-one on 9/9/9," writes Chris Lawrenson, of golf courses various, (Column 8, Friday), "the last time I played Terrey Hills, the ninth was a long par five, so unless they have changed the layout substantially, it's a very impressive score!" This is a deeply disturbing allegation. Column 8 will take a day off during the week and play the course, after a lengthy lunch, to be certain of the provenance of the initial claim. On the other hand, it could have been a miraculous slice shot, picked up in the rough by a nesting magpie, and deposited in the hole as a humiliating testimony to the waste of the time and effort by the gentleman in question. Far sillier things have happened in golf.

"A report prepared by Kempsey Council on designs and uses for a street mall at Kempsey," we are advised by a concerned and amused Mike Dutton, of thereabouts, "includes, among suggested events, an 'Antic Market' to be co-ordinated by a 'mall manger'. I wonder what would be for sale there - silly walks? Handstands? The mall is also to be upgraded, in accordance with 'design principals'." Hmm not too flash on the face of it. When's the next council election up there, Mike?

"An ad in the Herald classifieds on Saturday," reports John Williamson of Tewantin, Queensland, "is for the sale of the Bali Villa and Restaurant, which apparently 'runs by itself 150 staff'." We have a feeling that a sceptical John may have been in the catering caper, but if true, it seems a bargain at any price.

We don't often run replies to Heckler columns over here but we've had quite a response to Laura Jardine's rant on Friday about dodgy names for kids. "Every generation has its share of creative names for children," replies Janet Power of Blayney. "In past generations, Wendy and Cynthia raised the eyebrows of grandparents. Any teacher will tell you of the disbelief that greets the list of new enrolments each year, but girls named Jordan and Cameron no longer draw a reaction. It's the fanciful spellings that take our breath away. And as for boys' names, my late father (born in 1922) rejoiced in the name Gladstone. Besides, I have to keep an open mind. Just this week I became proud grandmother to Atlas!" Heavens above, Janet - this load-bearing baby isn't a girl is it?

Column8@smh.com.au(no attachments please).Phone 9282 2207 fax 9282 2772. (include name, suburb, daytime phone)

Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, 14/09/09

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